I Want To Stop Living

 

I pretend I’ve got my shit together, but I’m a mess.

My life feels like falling apart.

As I’ve walked through life and grown from child to adult, it feels like the world has fallen apart. The lightness and joy I used to feel, disappeared.

I smile at everyone and always keep my head up high. But when I’m alone, I’m crying.

From the outside, my life seems wonderful. I have many close friends. I have a family that loves me. I have a warm home. But inside, I feel despair, loneliness, and a lack of meaning.

I hate myself for that.

I try to be a good person. I offer my help to people in need and always have an open ear for everyone. I eat healthy, exercise, don’t drink often, and get enough sleep. And yet, I feel miserable.

I have mental illnesses and everything hurts, but I don’t want to die necessarily. I want to live. But not like this.

I don’t see a way out. I don’t see light at the end of the tunnel.

I will keep smiling at everyone, and I will keep my head up high. And when I’m alone, I will keep crying.

I want to stop, but I don’t know how.

While feeling all this misery, I can’t help but wonder: “Do other people feel the same?”

If you or someone you know are/is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out to your crisis line/health unit, or go to your nearest hospital.